I went online this morning to the Low-Carber Forum and found a message posted by a 15-year old boy called Victor. He wrote:
Hey guys, my name is Victor Martinez. I'm 15 going on 16 in February, and my mother told me about this site. She is the one who introduced me to this diet. I have never really heard about 'low-carb diet.' I really want to lose weight because I hate being the 'Fat Kid.' I hate hate HATE looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my wide stomach, my fat thighs, and my double chin, my man boobs. It's a new year, and i really want to change my body image. I'm not asking for a miracle, I just want to look and feel healthy. I am going to try my very best, and put a lot of effort into my diet. But i dont really want to look at it as a diet, but as change of life. I have to do this for me, because I dont want to risk getting a heart attack, diabetes, or anything worse. I know it's time for me to actually feel good about myself. I want to look in the mirror and smile. I want that perfect body that I am always fantasing about.
What follows is my reply to him.
Keep the vision of slim, healthy Victor in the front of your mind. This weight loss is something you are doing for you, and you are doing it for a superb bunch of reasons - to reclaim your health and future, and to stop being the Fat Kid in school.
Get yourself an eating plan sorted, working from an Atkins recipe book - there are plenty around in thrift stores - and make sure your mum buys into the project, understands what your diet requires, and doesn't accidentally sabotage you from time to time. When the pair of you fully understand how this works, she'll be delighted: as well as seeing you turn into the bloke you want to be, she will save so much money at the supermarket!
Do you know this saying: FAILING TO PLAN IS PLANNING TO FAIL. Planning your eating (and your exercise) is essential to success. Oh, yeah, and sticking to that plan - that's pretty damn' important, too!
You've got to approach this thing in a disciplined manner and make yourself stay on track. It's almost like planning a military exercise - you don't leave things to chance. And like in a military exercise, there's a life at risk: yours, and you already know that you're doing this thing for you. Don't allow yourself to be be deflected!
Look for regular weight loss, but (like you said) don't expect miracles. It's taken you 16yrs to put on that extra fat. Let it take as long as it takes for it to be gone. Be patient and be consistent, don't force it.
That means, for instance, that you shouldn't look at my speedy weight loss figures, or some of the others you'll see around here on this forum, as something you should expect to do yourself; 108lbs in 5 months is not usual! Some of us on this forum do very radical dieting which involves us living on special powdered shakes and soups and NOTHING ELSE for month after month. It's usually done under medical supervision, and is no fun whatsoever. You do, however, lose a lot of weight very quickly - I was talking last night to a bloke who's dropped 142lbs since June last year! You wouldn't want to do it that way, believe me!
But you can easily expect to lose that weight of yours by the end of the year, following a good, sensible, effective eating plan. Just make sure you understand how your diet works, and stick within its rules. When in boubt, ask questions: that's what the forum is for!
And why stop at 200lbs? None of us needs to be 200! What is the weight you really want, in your dreams, to be? Why settle for second best? You can get to exactly where you really want to be. You just have to decide where that is, and go for it!
Now the hard bit (because nothing comes easy in this life). How and why did you get to be the Fat Kid in the first place. Why did you fall into patterns of eating where you were using food to improve your mood? And what do you need to do to break out of that mould? Because you have to turn that bit off in order to really secure your fit and healthy future.
One thing you'll spot if you read many of the journals on the forum, is that many people are going through this weight loss thing for the second, third, fourth time - and I don't see why you should have to. Once is enough!
For my part, about twelve years ago, my weight had crept up to 313lbs. I'd never done a day of dieting in my life, but all of that food, wine and beer had done its insidious work over the years, and it wasn't going to go away. So I set to work and over the space of about 18 months, I got myself down to 173 (which is the weight I'm aiming at again, right now - for the second and final time, I might add!), and I managed to stay there for about three years, plus or minus a few pounds, until the minus dropped out of sight and every week it was plus, plus, plus.... I'd lost control of my food addiction, completely lost sight of all the good and sensible rules and plans that had got me where I wanted to be, and my weight started its long gradual climb upwards, with me arrogantly ignoring what my friends and family were telling me ('you're getting fat, again!'), until I was nearly 400lbs, when I finally woke up and decided that I had to regain control.
Perhaps that last bit isn't quite right; try this instead: when I finally woke up and discovered the power and determination within me to face those demons down.
That’s completely true, and I’ve written a lot about this on my blog (try the piece from last month called Of Demons – tells you too much about being a 400lb man. No fun.) I’m still not saying it correctly, however, but I will this time: when I finally woke up and realised that I was very likely to die soon. You don’t see many 400lb 60-year olds. They’re dead already.
You, Victor, are ahead of this game: you've already decided you don’t want early death preceded by diabetes and heart problems, and lord knows what other horrors. Instead, you want to seize your life and run with the unique and precious joy of it. Well done, you! I have to tell you, when I was 15 (when I was 50 too, come to think of it) I didn’t think like that, man, I JUST KNEW I was immortal. Bulletproof, bombproof, radiation-proof 24-carat immortal. So I didn’t need to worry about my health, what I ate, what I drank. All that bad stuff was for other people, it sure as hell didn’t apply to me.
Victor, I salute you for being more grown-up, knowing better and wanting out.
The thing is, it’s not just about eating less, or eating differently, though both of those are important. It’s also about understanding and overcoming the self-destructive impulses that always make us reach for food as our first line of defence; it's about understanding how we fell into this hole in the first place. Why me, and not that skinny guy over there? And, it's about understanding all this 'why' and 'how', then going on to change the behaviours which trigger all this dumb set of reactions in the first place. That's how you get on top of the weight loss game and play it to win.
And it’s only by winning that confrontation that you’ll know you’ve got this fat thing beaten. However strong and determined you are, you might not be able to do it on your own. You might well need (or at least benefit from) a spot of counselling, therapy, or support, to help you win this battle because these issues go deep into the roots of being Victor, the unique combination of factors, elements, experiences and expectations that make you you. Don’t be afraid to go asking for help. There is absolutely zero shame in asking for it. Instead it’s all a measure of the man you’re becoming, if you can say to someone, ‘look, I'm dieting because I want to change this, and I want to change it for good. What can you do to help make this change stick?’
Because this thing is going to be hard work, and it’s going to ask a lot of you. That’s why the first words I wrote here were ‘keep the vision of slim, healthy Victor in the front of your mind.’
Another key secret to making your diet work is going to be this: you don’t go filling your face because you’re feeling great about yourself. You do it to try and make yourself feel better. Because your self-esteem isn’t too good. Being the Fat Kid is a daily kick in your self-esteem. Well, you start finding the good bits about Victor, the Victor who’s decided he’s doing this diet, the Victor that goes running by the canals, and make sure you concentrate a big bit of love in his direction, because you will succeed with your diet in direct proportion to the extent that you dump your negative images of Victor and start loving him, every day, a little bit more.
Here's a mantra for you to say to yourself a hundred times a day: 'love me, hate my fat.' The powerful part that makes the difference is the first bit, the loving yourself bit. Like the adverts say 'because you're worth it.'
Did you see the TV show Jamie’s Food Revolution? You know, you’re setting out on your own revolutionary road right now, it'll be rock from time to time, but keep on and it'll take you where you want to go, not just in relation to your weight but right across your life. What you've started is that important, and while I don’t know you, I feel inspired that at 15 you’ve got the cojones to come on this forum and declare to the world that you don’t want to be the Fat Kid any more.
You’ll be fine!
Your new old pal,
Fred
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